Ode to small talk in the British way — From reluctance to appreciation: a journey through British small talk
As a Chinese Londoner who has spent more than five years in this marvelous city, I’ve grown fond of one British institution: small talk. My initiation into this ritual was not so smooth. When I started my first job after my PhD in London, I faced a cultural shock. The company was extremely welcoming—I received more than a dozen coffee chat invites from colleagues in my first week. I was overjoyed, yet unease crept in. What on earth would I say? Should I talk about my research, the weather, or maybe what I had for breakfast?
Fast forward five years, and I’ve unknowingly embraced the necessity of small talk. It was only when I joined my new company during maternity leave and noticed the absence of the British small talk ritual among some colleagues that I realized how it had become second nature to me.
I took the “no ask, no tell” approach in interviews, keeping my situation private. But it was small talk during team dinner — a colleague innocently asked if I managed to get any break before starting — that allowed me to reveal my new-mother status in a natural way. It wasn’t an abrupt announcement; it was a natural segue. And to my surprise, the revelation open doors. My colleagues reciprocated, sharing their stories and making me feel heard and connected.
It struck me then how this seemingly trivial ritual is the backbone of British social interaction. It builds a foundation that allows deeper, more meaningful conversations to flourish.
Of course, not all small talk is entertaining. At times, I felt like an outsider when conversations involved topics I knew nothing about (e.g. cricket!) or when insider jargon flew around. For a while, I longed to bypass the chit-chat and jump straight into business. However, having experienced the alternative, I’ve come to realize that small talk is an acquired taste—much like durian or coffee. It’s not exactly appealing the first time, but after a few tries, it gets more tolerable, and can become surprisingly enjoyable in the end!
So here’s to small talk, the British way – the ritual that once puzzled me, then warmed me, and ultimately eased my way into new conversations.